It's a rare occurrence in life when you find someone who awakens parts of yourself you didn't know where there. When two people come together to reflect something unique, empowering, and passionate it makes you feel alive in ways you've never known before. These relationships make you question the ideas of love, karma, soul mates, and destiny. What is it that brings you and another together, at this point in time, in this place, for this experience right now? Is there a greater divine plan at work? Are we just mirroring our own selves back to one another?
I had a lover, a powerful, passionate man who made me weak in the knees just from the sound of his voice. His masculinity disabled any hardness I had and left me with no defenses. I became pure feminine surrender. Pure care, pure love, pure openness to receive him. Every touch left me hungry for more. Every moment I touched him was a worship of all that was beautiful and masculine in him. I wanted to open myself completely, give myself endlessly. His pleasure became my own. His strength held me. I became the creative, nurturing feminine while his strength was the masculine container to bridle and direct my passion. I exploded under his touch. All that was divine in me met all that was divine in him together in our two bodies. Yet simultaneously we embraced the grotesque humanness, the sweat, the smells, the imperfections and married them to the passion that only comes from sweet surrender to your higher self. It was the dance of the divine.
This man had come into my life almost a decade before, and then it all fell apart. I was devastated. How could something so amazing not be the right relationship? How would I ever experience something like this with anyone else? When he returned years later we had the same profound connection but it was tempered with maturity and life experience. Yet after several months of passion and fire it fell apart once more. Our humanness took over. And we played our wounded warrior role perfectly until it drove us into a corner and we had to run for cover. I gave all of myself to him. He showed all of me right back. The beautiful and the ugly. It truly was the marriage of the sacred and the profane.
Now I see all that was spectacular that he awoke in me was just me, as was all the pain I felt from my own limiting beliefs and wounds. He was my powerful mirror, my divine beloved that didn't let any part of myself hide. It too was the dance of the divine. And now I'm alone again, holding the clearer picture of myself that he gave me, seeing me for all my divinity and humanness. This time I'm not devastated. This time I know I can have this dance again, but with deeper wisdom as to what I bring and who I am. This time I'm grateful for the gifts that he gave me. The gift of myself.